I didn’t want to write this check-in post. I didn’t want to admit to anyone, including myself, that I had not been able to resist the urges to shop this week. I didn’t want to face the facts that I barely even tried to not shop. I was still in the crazed mode of selecting everything I wanted to bring on my vacation. Looking back, the week started well. For a couple of days I did feel that all my summer shopping was behind me and I could cruise forward. Then it got rocky.
I had a bunch of returns that I needed to make and (without thinking or planning or putting together a "trip to the mall” strategy) I decided to bring the returns right to Nordstroms instead of mailing them back, so that I would get my refund sooner. It was over $700 worth of returns and I was feeling pretty good! The return center is across from shoes so I decided to take a browse through since I had been contemplating purchasing a new pair of black wedge sandals. It took me five minutes to pick out three pair of sandals to try on (only one was a black wedge). I bought all three pairs and headed upstairs where my eyes wandered over to the jeans. I tried on two pairs and liked both. I really wanted to buy both, but considering they were very similar I only bought one (this was actually a positive action because a year ago when faced with a decision to choose I would just buy both). I justified buying the jeans because they were high waisted and I feel the need to collect high waisted jeans before they go out of style and those miserable low waisted, muffin top bearing jeans are the rage again.
I then went to get a quick bite at the Nordstrom cafe and on the way there I passed the swim department. Out of the corner of my eye I spied something white. Drawn toward the white I discovered that it was the same white swim coverup a favorite blogger of mine showcased on her youtube channel the previous day! The urge to have it enveloped me. For a moment I reminded myself that I really was all set for my vacay and didn’t need another coverup, but the other side of my brain argued that I did not have a coverup quite like this one. This one was not too sheer or too heavy…it was just right and would be perfect as a dress to have lunch in too! To top it off, it was white…I have an extra weakness for white clothing..the crispness…the coolness…the brightness! I felt excited and tingly inside. I bought it. After eating dinner I finally left the store having spent almost the same amount that I had returned.
The next day I started packing. I tried on my bathing suits and wasn’t happy. I felt I needed just one more. I contemplated letting it be. Realistically I could get by, but I just couldn’t convince myself not to look online. I didn’t have time to go back to the mall, but if I could find one online that could get shipped to me quickly I would order it (think Amazon Prime). So I ordered four more since I was ordering online and needed to order several in the hopes that one of them would work for me (of course I found one). Since I was already online shopping I got distracted. I allowed myself to get distracted. This resulted in also purchasing a casual t-shirt dress, a tank top, a new wallet and a bracelet.
Needless to say…I did what I set out not to do this week….shop!
By the end of the week I felt like a failure. I knew I needed to resist the urges. I knew I should stand firm, be disciplined and allow myself to feel the emotions. Yet I didn’t. I can’t explain why I couldn’t even try to meet my goal this past week. Ironically, I found out yesterday that most of the clothing I planned on packing are going to be too dressy. This is apparently a super casual bathing suit, t-shirt and flip flops only kind of trip. I still packed some nicer stuff…I just can’t help myself!
As I finish writing this I am actually on my vacation (finally). I truly hope to use my down time this week for some much needed self-reflection. On the plane I started reading Cait Flanders book appropriately titled “The Year of Less: How I Stopped Shopping, Gave Away My Belongings, and Discovered Life Is Worth More Than Anything You Can Buy in a Store“. https://caitflanders.com/category/book/
Cait's story immediately gripped me and although her issues are different than mine there are still many similarities and I often felt I was reading about myself. For today I have my sunscreen, a good book and very limited wi-fi (no online shopping here). I’m going to relax and reset and I will see where this week takes me!